My Humble, Biased Opinion of What a Church Should Be

Here I give you a few questions to help you discern what a healthy church should be. And I quote Cheers, C.S. Lewis, Pope Francis, and Tish Harrison Warren in one post!

(Last time, I promised I would address a question a few people have asked me: How and when do we know if it is time to give the church a try again? There is a very important precursor to this question, however — namely, What kind of church is worth trying again?)

I have always said I would never want to be a preacher. I am terrified that God would strike me down for some kind of irreverent or heretical teaching. I am fearful I’d be overwhelmed with imposter syndrome, or worse — lack integrity as I preach about living a holy life! All too aware of my imperfections, I sense I am the last person who should be preaching!

Those in church leadership have a high and lofty calling: to preach faithfully from God’s Word, to live lives that are without fault, to pray always, to shepherd those who hurt…on and on the list goes.

Sometimes church leaders miss these marks. Sometimes entire churches miss the mark. And sometimes one or both lead to serious reconsiderations of if people want to stay in a church.

I have no judgment either way; I have learned that a lack of church attendance does not equal a lack of faith. I have seen more than once that when we think someone is losing their faith, they may instead be gaining their faith and shaking off the vestiges of what was wrong.

People leave churches for all sorts of reasons — poor leadership, lack of trust, lack of community, concerns over finances, changing theological beliefs, lack of interest, evolving views of what church is, etc.

To be clear, however, not every reason for leaving a church is a valid reason. If we look for perfection, we will never find it.

That said, let me tell you all the reasons I stopped attending churches at some point or another:

• Theological reasons: In the Catholic Church, I could not agree with a closed communion that did not allow all those who professed faith in Jesus to receive the bread and wine.

• Communal reasons: On more than one occasion, the churches we attended functioned more as cliques than as the family of God. You were either in, or you were out.

• Lack of trust: One church we attended was lovely…until there was revealed to be abusive leadership that was demoralizing church staff and congregants.

• And then there was my “I just don’t care anymore” reason. Years ago, I stopped attending church for a prolonged season. I had seen too much of the ugly under-belly of Christian leaders and influencers who not only lacked integrity but who actively engaged in decisions and practices that seemed antithetical to what I believed to be in Scripture. This, I deemed, was simply not something I wanted to be part of anymore.

In each situation, I erected memorial stones in my mind that have helped me to better understand what I believe all of us need to survive this crazy world and maybe even find our way back to healthy Christian communities.

Four Questions

Allow me to share four key questions to ask when we look for a church community (or are deciding if our church is a place worthy to be called a “house of God.”)

(Note: I have tried to keep the bar low because we non-denominational folk can get caught up in details and start to nit-pick too easily!)

First, is Jesus the most important part of this church?

If not, flee for the mountains! Churches are not about pastors or new church building construction. I was once in a church that marketed its new building campaign as the "high point of the church’s life.” Um… what about baptisms or conversions or the filling of the Holy Spirit?

Churches are not to be motivational centers that help you live your best life. They aren’t about entertainment or coffee bars. My friend Josh wrote a good little article on this several years back.

Sure, sure, I know this, you may think. Fine. Churches are also not about what kind of baptism is right or wrong, what we believe about creation, or our views of the afterlife. Any church worth being part of is centered on Jesus — who he is and how he is working in the world. If Jesus is not the most important proclamation and person in the church, it might be cause for pause.

Second, can I be friends with these people?

C.S. Lewis once wrote that:

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’”

Friendship in the church ought to be deep and meaningful. Greeters at the door, though helpful, can only carry us so far if what our hearts long for are true friends. Me saying “Hello!” to ten people does not equate to the possibility of one deep and meaningful conversation.

To be clear, the chances of you liking everyone in your church are slim, so don’t set the bar that high! The big question here is: Does this community reflect the characteristics that Christ calls us to embody? You know, good things like love, hope, kindness, gentleness, trustworthiness, and service to others? Things that can lead to vibrant community.

Third, does this church value “the ordinary”?

In Liturgy of the Ordinary, Tish Harrison Warren writes,

“The kind of spiritual life and disciplines needed to sustain the Christian life are quiet, repetitive, and ordinary. I often want to skip the boring, daily stuff to get to the thrill of an edgy faith. But it’s in the dailiness of the Christian faith — the making the bed, the doing the dishes, the praying for our enemies, the reading the Bible, the quiet, the small — that God’s transformation takes root and grows.”

One reason many have left the church is that too many pastors and churches have conflated popularity and visibility with God’s blessing. It becomes a numbers game — sales, following, growth in the size of the church. Several weeks back, I shared how appalled I was when I visited my local Catholic church and realized it wasn’t about the priest at all.

As I get older, I have come to deeply appreciate the ordinary: The person who prays in a closet, the friend who sends a text just to say “Hi!”, the sunset’s glowing oranges, the chirps of a newborn chick, the smell of puppy feet, a hug, the quiet.

When I ask Does this church value the ordinary? what I am asking is: Does this church see God in all things? Does the church value each member of the body equally and have a theology that captures a kingdom reality? This is a theology that knows that the mustard seed is as important as the sequoia and that the widow’s mite is no less than the rich man’s gold. It’s a theology that teaches that the person who cannot serve in the church is no less important than the person who serves ten hours a week. (Though serving is important if possible!)

Fourth, does this church love the world?

We need to stop with any nonsense of parsing out things like “the church is in the world but not of the world.” Let’s be honest for a minute: This biblical truth can be summed up pretty succinctly. Be like Jesus and try not to sin! We all know what’s right and wrong and we need to choose the former.

“For Jesus so loved the world” the Bible says! I will never forget something Pope Francis said in The Joy of the Gospel: Evangelii Gaudium:

“I prefer a church which is bruised, hurting and dirty because it has been out on the streets, rather than a church which is unhealthy from being confined and from clinging to its own security . . . More than by fear of going astray, my hope is that we will be moved by the fear of remaining shut up within structures which give us a false sense of security, within rules which make us harsh judges, within habits which make us feel safe, while at our door people are starving and Jesus does not tire of saying to us, ‘Give them something to eat.”’

For all of the goodness of our churches, we need to be clear on something: Jesus is outside the church, too. He is with each person we pass on the street. He is both welcoming people into church structures, but also welcoming people as they leave on Sunday mornings. He is just as much outside the church as he is in.

Any church worth its weight knows that Jesus loves the world and is inviting us to be part of it.

An Attempt to Sum This Up

Do you remember the 80’s sitcom “Cheers”? I have never forgotten the theme song and often return to it when I want to feel nostalgic:

Sometimes you wanna go
Where everybody knows your name
And they're always glad you came
You wanna be where you can see
Our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows your name

We all want a place where we feel like we can belong, a place where people are glad we came — and notice when we aren’t there. We want a place that pulls our hearts closer to the idea of “home.” A place where, though not perfect, fills our hearts with something indescribable. Maybe joy. Maybe love. Maybe a touch of the eternal.

I hope that these four questions are helpful for you as you consider what a church should be. Next week I will address the question of “How and when do we know if it is time to give the church a try again?”

Much love to you,

💚 Laurie