That Time When God Slammed a Hibiscus Flower in My Face

On my midlife crisis and wonderful 70-year-olds in Target and hibiscus plants and the terrible month of July.

I might be in the middle of a midlife crisis.

I’m not sure.

I kind of want to move to Aruba. And run an ultramarathon. I want to fix my fireplace and get a new laundry room. And learn pickleball. And actually figure out how to bake.

Some days, I just want something different and new and fun. Particularly in this hard month of July.

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know that July 6 - August 6 is my least favorite time of the year. It’s my before-and-after bracket month: before the bad thing, and after. On July 6th, my mom had a pain in her side and a slight temperature. On August 6th, she passed into the arms of Jesus.

That was two years ago. 💚

The thing about midlife crises is that you don’t really know you what are looking for, or why.

Life is not bad over here at the Nichols’ home. I rather love my little family.

But I sort of want a tattoo. And botox.

Yesterday, as I sat in the waiting room at Target while my daughter tried on back-to-school clothing, I met a really lovely woman in her early 70s. Coming out of the changing room, she shook her head, threw her clothes in the cart, and sighed, “This used to be so much fun. Now the lighting is off and the mirrors are too big, and…” she pointed to her hips, “it is making THESE look all wrong!”

I did a full belly laugh, nodded in understanding, and proceeded to tell her of my midlife crisis thoughts. She finally declared, “Well, I’m not dead yet, and God doesn’t seem to want me soon, so I’ll just keep going in these changing rooms!”

I could have hugged her.

***

When I decided to follow Jesus more than 25 years ago, I couldn’t contain my excitement over my newly discovered savior. I read my Bible and took copious notes. I told everyone at every place where I worked about Jesus. And I saw God in everything. It was like the world went from black-and-white to full color.

And then time passed. I still loved Jesus, but the colors were dimmed by life and pain and watching Christian leaders act in ways that looked anything but Christ-like.

At some point, I realized that I felt a little bit like Joshua and Caleb, two men sent by Moses to scope out this beautiful land that would later become “The Promised Land.” (Read Numbers 13 for more of that story.)

I was on the outside looking in on a beautiful land. As others grew deeper in their faith and closer to God, I felt stagnant, or worse, like I was falling further away.

This is a little like a midlife crisis. You feel like you are missing out on something important. It’s not that everything is bad; it’s that things don’t feel complete. We compare the present with the past or the future with the present — and we end up feeling incomplete.

My (non-burning) Bush Experience!

As I pondered this on my walk yesterday, I literally walked into a hibiscus plant. This is the hibiscus:

Do you see how it is literally hanging over the sidewalk while all of the other bushes and plants are in their proper place?!

And do you know why I literally ran into the hibiscus flowers?

Because I was looking up, at this:

At the dead tree.

I was thinking, Well, that’s a very sad looking tree! and shaking my head in sorrow and not paying attention at all to the hibiscus flowers that God was about to slam into my face.

“Take that!” I imagine God saying with a glint in his eye. “Take that beauty that’s right in front of you!”

No one can tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor.

***

I wonder if you are in a midlife crisis season with your faith. You want something new and exciting. You want to see and experience God as with you always. You want to see his kindness and learn from his wisdom and believe in his goodness and feel his peace.

This is a great place to be!

Now here is where I want to quote Jesus, but first, let me quote Ralph Waldo Emerson:

“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.”

Now I can’t speak to Emerson’s theological beliefs, but what he says matters for our context, and it matters even more because of what Jesus said about this “inside of you” thing:

“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever…” (John 14:16)

The answer to our midlife faith crises and our bigger midlife crises is not found in the future or in the past. It’s found in the now, and in this really incredible and remarkable gift called “God’s Spirit” — the Helper. God in us. God in the moment. God in the now.

Thousands of years before Jesus uttered those words about the Helper, the prophet Ezekiel quoted God, the Father, who said:

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you…” (Ezekiel 36:26-27)

And I wonder how God might be smacking you in the face with his goodness and beauty and presence today. I wonder how his Spirit is speaking to you as you wrestle with seasons of midlife faith crises where God feels far and distant, or irrelevant and undesirable. Maybe when you think of God today, you just shrug in indifference. Maybe you sigh in sadness. Maybe you long for more.

Midlife faith crises are not bad and I will tell you why: because that very feeling that something is incomplete or not right is a sign that God’s Spirit in you is stirring.

Maybe, however, like me, you aren’t looking in front of you to find him there. You are looking at dead trees and scanning travel brochures and considering days of old.

And so I pray God would smack you in the face with something beautiful.

With a new translation of the Bible that helps you see a passage through a new lens. With a new friend who shows you what God is like in a new way. With a new song that declares a long-lost truth of who God is. With a hibiscus plant.

An Attempt to Sum This Up

The best way I can think to end this post is to share a video with you. This was the video I took of the clouds above me as I lay in my driveway on August 6, 2022, only an hour after God took my mom home.

The video is five minutes long. Watch all five, but watch very closely at the 20-second mark and you will see it.

You’ll see the black butterfly — a sign of transformation and rebirth, a sign of hope and God’s presence and promises in dark times.

As I stared at the clouds that day, I was awash in grief over what I had lost and what God had gained. I did not see the butterfly that day. In fact, I did not see the butterfly until only recently — two years later — when I rewatched the video.

I missed that moment when God was telling me that hope and rebirth and his Spirit live on. I don’t want you to miss these moments when all of sudden God shows us something beautiful.

Sure, he can slam you into a hibiscus plant. That’s kind of fun.

But maybe you will see the bush a bit off the sidewalk, too.

Our longings for more just might be right in front of us all along, if we have eyes to see.

God is with you, dear friend, in this moment. I hope you see that.

Much love,

💚 Laurie